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. I tried to call her when I read that, but she was not answering her telephone. Clearly, this was something that Jackie was willing to write down but not to say to me directly. That was evidently a step too far for her. But that night there was another message from her: For a Very Nice Man I like the way you hold me in your arms, The way you kiss my lips and brow and cheeks, The peace I feel reclining on your chest, The strokes that make. The fact that I had notknown how much of my real life was missing before I realized I was awoman did not dim in the least the joy of my self-discovery over the lastfew months.Samantha stopped to help me save my eye makeup, pampering me like herdaughter, which I was in so many ways. Someone handed her a tissue, andshe dabbed at my cheeks. Everyone did the "Aawww" sound to acknowledgehow cute we were together, how touching our love for each other was. Myheart swelled in my breast. I did love. ”Rob produced the rings right on schedule. Sara’s was a brushed yellow gold band with a continuous row of diamonds—almost five carats--running all the way around. There was a “V” cut into one side to make room for her Marquise-cut diamond solitaire. In fact, they fit together perfectly. My band had a single half carat diamond, but was identical to Sara’s in every other regard. We placed them on each other’s fingers and were declared husband and wife. I kissed my bride and Sara showed me. I imagined that I was glamorousand irresistible and then I would open my eyes again and realise that I wasn?t. Thatevening I had vowed that I couldn?t go on like that. That I had to changesomething; that I had to see someone and ask for help. I didn?t want to wastemy life. I also felt though that I was a hopeless cause and that it would takea miracle to undo what I?d turned into. My friends seemed quite happy to besingle and didn?t seem interested in men at all, so I didn?t think that they?dbe.
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