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Some of the dancers were like zombies, physically present but mentally absent. Even if they were very pretty, I couldn't bring myself to find them attractive. Often, these girls appeared to be the most mercenary about trolling for lapdance money. You could see them working up and down the rows of men, after the money but otherwise disassociated from everything around them. Other girls were playing and having fun living in the moment. They were more attractive even if they weren't so pretty.. She stood up."Get on up, girl," she tol' me. "Go 'head an' get dressed."I went an' got dressed in my room. When I come out, Mama was wearin' her housecoat an' straightenin' up the front front room even though it didn't need it."You okay, baby?" she asked me."Uh huh," I said."You done good today," she said. "Mista Gantner was real pleased wit' you. You oughta be proud o' that."I still felt funny 'bout what happened, but it was good. What I done was embarrassin' an' even shameful, but that seein'. " I was to hand these notes to the lucky boys when I arrived.Fred took me to pick up two of the young wives; Roxanne and her husband picked up the other two. All six of us were wearing what we considered normal for a swinger party: T-shirt without a bra, soft shorts (like gym shorts), panties, and flip-flops or sandals. Charlotte met us at the door and let us in, then got in Fred¹s car and headed for Carmen¹s apartment. We stripped as we headed for the back of the house. The four Whoresmen. “So you knew. You weren’t in on it, apparently, but you knew pretty early, and for over twenty years you kept their secret. Guess that tells me where I stand in the family. Goodbye Mom. I’ll call the girls and Josh soon. I love you, but it will be a long time before we talk again.”She was crying when I disconnected.I tried, I really, really tried, but I just couldn’t get over the massive manipulation of my life from the people I loved above all others. I guess what really bothered me most was.
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