Cher Dad
I want to know about my writing. Tell me if you are confused or if I have my tense mixed up. I want to know if my images are clear and easy to follow. Is the emotion I am trying to convey coming through? Did it make you laugh or cry? Is my sentence structure sound or convoluted? Are my characters believable? All feedback is good feedback. Previously on Shannon I had filmed Daves brothers bachelor party and as I have said before I dont like Dave and never have. Hes arrogant, boastful and a royal. She licked up the spirts that had landed lower, exhilarated by the thought of more to come. Expectantly, she inhaled... or at least, she began to, but a sandpaper-like vice clasped around her neck, lifting her off her hands, suspending her completely off balance. She opened her eyes, shocked to discover it was actually her brothers hand gripping her throat. “Did we say you could cum whore?”She attempted to respond, but his hand was crushing her windpipe, she couldn’t speak... couldn’t breathe.. “Forget him, take me now” Alisha desires had now overtaken her common sense. Bhupen couldn’t believe the woman he had wanted since the wedding, now wanted him. Pulling her back into the kiss, he too forgot about his best friend.Lifting Alisha off her feet, their kiss became more passionate. Alisha pointed to the floor, the carpeted area by the table. Carrying her over, Bhupen laid her on the floor.Alisha looked up at Bhupen, pulling her night gown up; she pushed her panties off and unbuttoned. When I approached the table to ask you to dance I was scared shitless you would say no.”“Your fears were groundless. As soon as I saw you I had the same feelings. Let me get my purse and let’s get out of here.”Once outside she said “There’s a motel right across the street. I’m not easy at all, but I’ve got the feeling that I have got to lock you in right now.”I felt the same so I took her hand, walked across the street and got a room. Once in the room we stripped and then sat on the bed and.
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