It was like when Birgit died, though not quite as intense.“I cried for my dead baby. I still mourn, and unlike with Birgit, there isn’t a place I can go to cry, to remember, and to say goodbye. And to make it worse, Becky had the abortion in an attempt to protect me. But I didn’t want her to protect me. I wanted her to protect my baby. And she killed him instead.”Tears streamed down my face and Karin moved to put her arm around me.“What do you mean, protect you?” Karin asked.“I would have been. The film is finished and already the mood is changing to one that makes me look at my coat, you notice and it makes you angry with me, you know me too well and you think I’ve created an argument so that I can storm out and be away from you, maybe I did but it wasn’t a deliberate act. You’re shouting at me now and I never have been very good at taking it well. It scares me and the fear makes me shout back through real tears. I storm upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom so that I don’t. My husband told me to unbutton my shirt 4 buttons I did so and half my tit was hanging out and part of my areola we attempted to go on with our conversation as if nothing were wrong and he would have me look over from time to time to make sure that our voyeur was still enjoying his show. When the waiter came back with our dinner and noticed we had three more waiters come back to our table within 2 minutes one for a drink refill, one to check on us, and one to see if we wanted deserts even. Even now as I type this up I can see this six year old boy, playing football with his friends, seemingly without a care in the world, but I also see his older brother, huddled in the back of a taxi on the way to the hospital, and I know that is what could well be his future too. Nearly one in ten of the children at Amani Primary School are orphans, people don’t talk about it, there is a certain stigma attached to the term, and people certainly don’t talk about HIV/AIDS. One African child dies.
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