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At first I tried to steel myself to keep on hurting you; now I realize I can't bring myself to hurt you any more. You should have hated me. I expected it. I wanted to wash away my guilt with it. I would have used that to justify what I was doing but I never saw it in your eyes. Fear and pain, yes, but never hatred." You are different, my darling Jane. So wonderfully different. It's as if you sensed and understood my trauma and made allowances for that. I didn't see why that was but now I. I resisted hugging him and soiling my nighty, and instead headed to our room to wait.I was exhausted, and as much as I knew I wanted Alistair, I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen before I'd gotten some rest; somehow, though, despite the fatigue, I wasn't ready to lay down and go to sleep, either. I tried, briefly, but the bed was too soft, the blankets too warm, the pillows rustled too noisily ... I was up again in less than five minutes, trying not to hyperventilate. I puttered about. You just looked at me, calmly, but still not understanding. ‘Drink.’ I said. ‘Go on, drink and suckle.’ You were confused I believed, but eventually you obeyed, you started suckling and my magic engulfed you. The first thing you must have noticed was how good and addictive it was to suckle on your mommy’s breast, because I only had to encourage you a few times, within minutes you were greedily sucking, gulping down more and more of my milk. Then I saw your eyes starting to glass over,. The trains never on time and I was leaving for work at 6am instead of my normal 8am. My wife was angry at my stupidity and thought I deserved what I got,after a few weeks of travel I noticed a woman I thought must be in her thirties and would get on the bus a stop after mine ,catch the same train and get off at the same station.She was about 5’8′ tall slim and about a 14b bust well a bit bigger than my wife who was a 12c.She was well dressed wearing business suits or stylish.
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